Flat personalities are thought to dwell only in comic-strip cubicles. In reality, they proliferate across corporations, large or small, immune to regions or national boundaries. Dynamic organisations abound with rounded personalities, even slightly idiosyncratic ones, who are able to think laterally, view the world ‘out of the box’, and have a high degree of that rarest of all human attributes – common sense. The stereotype personalities are the reverse, suffering severely blinkered vision, completely prevented from seeing the woods for the trees. As industrious as termites, their long-term effect on the corporation is similar.


The inquisition: The accountant who sees himself as a self-appointed Spanish inquisition, he has an unshakeable belief that everyone is guilty of financial improprieties and his life’s mission is to find them out. Apparently a great gatekeeper for the organisation, in reality he spreads the poison of a deeply demoralising and debilitating distrust within the group. The result is usually exactly the opposite of what he set out to achieve.

The slaver: another common stereotype among business owners – one whose lack of any real vision ensures he rarely grows beyond a small enterprise. Like a certain type of airline passenger, this owner is convinced that the moment he employs someone, he has bought their very soul. Thereafter, every moment not spent slaving away for him is resented. Weekends are a sort of swindle, nights one of nature’s mistakes, and holidays an utter abomination. But for statutes, his people would be worked seven days a week. This is as true of our region as of well-known sweatshops.

The advisor: very like a fungal parasite on a healthy tree, this is among the most dangerous but least recognised threats. His primary talent is his uncanny ability to understand and feed on the subconscious fears of the owner or CEO. Never accountable for the consequences of his ‘advice’, whatever happens, he ensures only successes reach his door. His lack of any real knowledge or credibility in any field does not prevent him from providing ‘expert advice’ in every field. The advisor ensures that the vulnerable owner or CEO he feeds on remains absolutely blind to his insidious influence.

The dictator: a common or garden variety CEO, this can occasionally be a person of ability and competence, who nevertheless stunts the growth of a company through his egocentric personality. He suffers from an absolute belief in the inability of anyone else to manage, or even take the most minor of decisions, insisting on seeing every memo and fax, ensuring no meetings are held without himself in the chair, even if it is only to decide the colour of paper clips. This stereotype rapidly extinguishes all individual initiative, team-spirit or innovation. No one has ownership. A dictator with management competence can ensure a sort of stability that is akin to stagnation; one without will efficiently kill the organisation.


The invisible man: this stereotype is found in abundance in almost all large corporations, especially in massive multi-nationals. Intrinsically lazy and unproductive, this person makes it his purpose in life to become invisible within the organisation. A profile so low that he is never even close to the spotlight, never really seen by decision-making seniors, the Invisible Man will worm his way into the most innocuous of jobs, spending his days in the most remote cubicle, never aspiring to achievement or promotion. He usually has the most extensive collection of daily newspapers.


The green-eyed monster: this largely harmless stereotype provides considerable covert amusement to his co-workers. His days are spent in a relentless quest for information on pay, perquisites or favours his colleagues allegedly enjoy that are greater than his – despite his obviously being more deserving. In fairness to the G E Monster, he does spend some of his working day actually doing the job he is paid for. Perhaps it is in his stars that he is compelled to wander restlessly, like the Ancient Mariner, through the maze of corporate cubicle-land, ever on the hunt for injustices perpetrated on him.

Corporate life would be dull indeed without our multi-hued crop of management stereotypes, harmless or harmful. May their tribe prosper and multiply – in your competitor’s organisation.