Written, directed and photographed by Andrew Walker
Every Saturday morning, my colleagues gather to discuss the events of the weekend just passed and inevitably someone drifts past my desk and casually asks the same redundant question. “So what did you do this weekend?” Without lifting my head I generally reply: “I sat in my garden and watched the bugs.” The inquisitor usually pauses for a moment, deciding whether or not to accept this reply as truth, and then wanders off mumbling something under his or her breath about the state of my mental health.
In this world in which entertainment is now dominated by reality TV, I consider myself finally to be a participating member of the masses, the only difference being that my reality programme is not shown on the television; it is live in my garden.
I live in a small, traditional Omani village. The house is located at the very back of the old section of the community and borders the wadi. The property includes a small terraced area encircled by a simple garden with flowers, tomatoes, banana trees and a single date palm. This old, modest house has a kitchen that was built as a separate building and is accessed from the terrace. As a result,
the morning episode of the show often takes place in the kitchen because the nocturnal critters that have wandered in under the old wooden door usually find themselves trapped. A giant centipede once bolted from behind the coffee pot as I prepared the morning brew. Another time, I managed to interrupt a corpulent, brown furry spider doing a dance in front of an overturned, stainless-steel bowl. It seemed to be intrigued by its reflection, and spent several minutes bobbing and weaving, apparently fascinated by the mirrored
movements of its counterpart.
Emerging from the kitchen with my morning coffee I always watch the various species of ants as they work relentlessly to scour the terrace and garden for the remains of fellow insects that did not survive the battles of the previous evening. My garden hosts four or five types of ants and although they will pounce on the opportunity to dismember the lifeless remains of a fellow ant, the different groups appear to live in perfect harmony, each species inhabiting its own space. Many types of spiders also play leading and supporting roles throughout the day. The most famous appearance on the show was made recently by a beautiful, female redback spider that spun a magnificent web and laid its eggs in the tomato patch.
The afternoon version of the programme generally stars several winged insects, including various types of bees, wasps, hornets, or what seems to be a combination thereof. Some drift busily among the flowers in search of pollen. The larger carnivorous ones search the plants for an easy afternoon meal. Spectacular butterflies have also made cameo appearances to the delight of the audience. These appearances, though rare, are great for driving up ratings and increasing the attendance to afternoon performances.
The evening is prime time and brings the most fascinating members of the cast. As the summer heat increases, so does the number of nocturnal hunters to emerge on the stage. Outdoor lights allow me to observe this amazing show. Scorpions make regular appearances. The smaller black ones tend to arrive from the neighbouring date farms, while their yellow and more potent cousins leave their homes under the rocks in the wadi to come and perform. The infamous praying mantis is a daily guest, flying in to hunt the hundreds of moths attracted to the lights. The most spectacular actor is a black hairy spider that emerges from its burrow to resemble something from a science-fiction movie. Each time it appears, a shiver runs down my spine and the hair stands up on my arms. With its enormous menacing mandibles, it calmly makes its rounds searching for an unfortunate victim. Like the black scorpion, it has an equally frightening and even larger yellow cousin that often descends the garden walls at lightning speed in search of a meal. The local word for these two creatures is “bush-a-bit”. Careful inspection of one specimen revealed that the species might not actually be a member of the spider family, as it appears to have ten legs. All of these great predators make frequent visits to the garden yet still I have not seen the titans clash. Maybe that will be the season finale.
Every reality programme has its sense of suspense, and this
one is certainly not without its risks and dangers: most of the
cast harbours a very nasty sting or bite, and a few are considered to be potentially fatal. The evening recitals run the entire night, and I often turn out the light and go to bed after watching the first hour of the performance.
Spiders and centipedes are fabled to have crawled into people’s ears as they slept. The scorpions are just as comfortable spending the day in a shoe or under a bed as they are in the garden. Cockroaches and the small lizards that hunt them always find a way into the house. Despite the risks, I wouldn’t have it any other way; this is what makes the show so great. Nonetheless, the gap under my bedroom door is always blocked to ensure that I will be around the next day to watch the following episode. The real world has no idea what it is missing.
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